


(W)holesome Activities

by Accestii



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Crack, Dirty Jokes, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:20:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25021564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Accestii/pseuds/Accestii
Summary: “OH!” Yaku shouted, voice still muffled from Lev’s abs. “I have an idea. Daishou, truth or dare?” Daishou pursed his lips, pretending to think long and hard. Kuroo didn’t even have to look at him to know that he was going to take Yaku’s bait. He’d never back down in the face of tyranny, or in this case, a thirsty dare. Kuroo should have warned him, but who didn’t want to see Daishou get all flustered once in a while?“Give me a dare, Yaku. It can’t be worse than-”“LET KUROO SLAP YOUR ASS!”Kuroo spends the night after finals with his boyfriend and a couple friends. Their game of truth or dare goes exactly as expected: horribly thirsty.
Relationships: Daishou Suguru/Kuroo Tetsurou, Haiba Lev/Yaku Morisuke
Comments: 2
Kudos: 70
Collections: KuroShou Week 2020





	(W)holesome Activities

**Author's Note:**

> I had fun writing this for KuroShou Week Day 1 (Any AU)! It's made with too little seriousness and a little too much daydreaming :)

Kuroo had a nice list of things he swore to never talk about when he entered college for the first time. That time he used Bokuto’s toothbrush to scrub the toilet? Nobody heard a single word about it except for Bokuto’s complaints of his piss breath. That time when Kuroo said he was Daishou so that the professors would treat him nicer during lectures? Petty, sure, but that secret was following him to the grave. 

His list grew tenfold during a very thirsty, very suggestive night of truth or dare. 

As soon as Kuroo heard Yaku’s voice bust through his phone, he knew he’d made a mistake. 

“Kuroo!” Yaku shouted, forcing Kuroo to drop his phone from the sudden noise. Kuroo could almost see Yaku put his hands on his hips with triumph. Yaku definitely used a phone before, and he definitely did that to destroy Kuroo’s ears before the night even started. After all these months, Yaku was still a stubborn, tiny loser! It made Kuroo want to smile and chuck his phone against the wall. His phone was tainted now. He’d have to destroy it first thing tomorrow. 

“You should keep making that face. Maybe it will stick, and you’ll finally look attractive,” cooed a voice from behind. It only took Kuroo a second to realize who was speaking, and a second more to realize that the pale arms wrapping around him belonged to Daishou. His breath curled around Kuroo like smoke, warm with that sickly-sweet thing called romance. Daishou was nothing short of a romantic himself, hands moving swiftly across Kuroo’s chest. Amidst the presence of Kuroo’s friend, amidst it all, Kuroo couldn’t help but let himself shudder. Curse that horribly attractive man and his name that kept swirling about his mind. 

His phone would soon force another name into his head. “Wow, Kuroo! You’re already getting excited? I can hear you, you know!” Kuroo leaned farther back into Daishou’s arms, ignoring his protests. The night after finals was meant to be a detox, a cleansing of his nerd brain. Was it childish to play truth or dare, of all things? Absolutely, but such was the nature of Kuroo and Daishou’s relationship. 

And Yaku! Kuroo never understood how Yaku fell for someone like Lev, the bluntest idiot imaginable. There had to be something going on that made their relationship tick. Maybe Lev was bribing Yaku to be his boyfriend. Or maybe Lev had some blackmail up his sleeve! Or maybe Lev was such an attractive romantic, Yaku couldn’t get enough of how sweet he was in the mornings, how much his voice made his heart hurt, and how god damn hot he looked every breathing second. 

That’s how Kuroo saw Daishou, anyway. 

“Well then!” Kuroo said, folding his hands over Daishou’s arms. “Why don’t you get us started then Lev, with your dumb potty mouth!” He could hear Daishou snicker in his ear. 

“Haha you said potty,” Daishou teased. Kuroo spun around in Daishou’s grip, putting his forehead on his very, very smart boyfriend. He let his arms pull Daishou’s dirty mouth closer. Kuroo just meant to shut him up, but the sight of Daishou’s light, slender lips was enough to make him hesitate. He turned his eyes away, ignoring any dumb ideas of meeting those lips with his. 

“No naughty words in this household,” Kuroo murmured, “or I’ll show you what naughty really means.” After a moment’s pause, Daishou retreated, eyes still swirling with something inexplicably thirsty. 

“Nobody wants to see you use the potty, Kuroo,” Daishou laughed. He found himself on the couch moments later, with Kuroo right on top of his lap. If Daishou was going to play dirty like that, then Kuroo had full right to sit on him and turn him bright red. It was only fair! 

Lev pushed his voice through Kuroo’s phone, completely unfazed by the wonderful situation unfolding in front of Kuroo. “Okay! So! I’ll start! Kuroo! Truth or dare?” Kuroo’s face crumpled into a scowl showing all 6 of his chins. The audacity radiating from that voice! The temerity! 

“Dare, obviously!” Kuroo declared. Sounds of what sounded like Lev getting stepped on rustled in response. 

“Okay!” said not-Lev, “I dare you to get off of Daishou’s lap. I know you’re on it!” Kuroo didn’t have to turn around to see the smirk growing on Daishou’s face. 

“You see,  _ Yaku _ ,” Kuroo mused, “Lev didn’t agree to this being his dare. Therefore-” 

“I agree!” … Jokes on them, only Daishou could see what Kuroo was doing. They wouldn’t be able to tell if Kuroo got up at all! He’d just have to persuade Daishou to let him stay. It wouldn’t be a big problem. That poo brain could be easily persuaded with a kiss. Kuroo spun around in his seat, looking at a suspiciously relaxed Daishou. He looked relaxed for someone who was so flustered earlier, and his lips were upturned in a delighted smile. What lovey-dovey mist came over him? 

The next second, Kuroo was a good 20 feet away. Daishou! Was not! Being lovey-dovey! Kuroo bent over in utter pain. Daishou kneed his weak spot! He kneed Kuroo’s area! That area! He tried in vain to suppress a groan. 

“I’m off,” Kuroo said, “Now somebody please sign my will.” He didn’t get anyone to sign his will, but he definitely got enough humility to last him a lifetime. No, there was probably enough for the next life, too. Daishou strolled over like he didn’t just murder his boyfriend, reaching down with thin pale fingers to brush away Kuroo’s hair.

“Sorry ‘bout that, ya baby.” Kuroo turned away like a hurt toddler, ignoring the small peck planted on his cheek. “Here, that kiss you wanted to give me.” Dumb Daishou and the way he made Kuroo smile. His stupid smile made everything around Kuroo feel a little warmer like they were in a giant hot pocket. Maybe Daishou wasn’t that much of a poo brain. Maybe. 

“Oi lovebirds!” Yaku yelled, “I’m not even looking at you and I know what you’re doing!” Kuroo stuck his tongue out at Yaku’s voice. They were in their apartment room, so anything they did wasn’t PDA! And besides, Yaku wasn’t the goody two shoes he painted himself out to be. As Daishou dragged him back to the couch by the leg, Kuroo formulated what words he would use to absolutely destroy Yaku. 

“Alright then! Yaku, since you’re so eager, truth or dare?” Kuroo asked, legs propped comfortably up on Daishou’s lap. He wasn’t breaking the rules, and Daishou seemed perfectly content with staring at Kuroo’s beefy thighs. 

“Truth!” Yaku squeaked. For the power that Yaku radiated, Kuroo wouldn’t have ever imagined he would pick “truth.” Off the tip of his tongue, Kuroo forced out something along the lines of a witty question. 

“Okay, so, who’s the sexiest person in the room?” Somebody needed to give Kuroo an idiot trophy. The answer was totally Lev! 

“ME! NEXT QUESTION!” Yaku shouted, unleashing a storm of complaints by none other than his boyfriend. Of course, he’d hide the audacity until the question was raised! Daishou gave an approving face of disgust as Kuroo choked on his laughter. Kuroo should’ve gone to the bar instead! When Yaku surfaced from Lev’s complaining, he had a dare that sounded like he had a drink or two. 

“Lev, take off your shirt.” Lev wasted no time trying to break the sound barrier with his response. 

“WHAT?” he exploded. “That’s not even a dare!” Daishou waved his hand in the air, tilting his head to the side. 

“It’s what Yaku wants,” he commented, “and don’t act like it’s not what you want, too.” 

“Yeah!” Yaku said. “I mean… I guess Daishou’s right… Lev! I dare you to take off your shirt!”

“I never- you didn’t- okay I will, but be quiet, okay?” Kuroo bit his lip. Yaku’s thirst levels were abnormally high for someone his height. And for Lev had to be the tallest pushover ever to exist. If Kuroo kicked his legs, he’d probably topple over like a tree. An image of Lev floated across Kuroo’s mind. He’d have to kick him so hard, it would sound like… 

_ SLAP!  _ Kuroo jumped off of the couch like a cat. Daishou’s eyebrows were slightly raised in some sort of twisted amusement. 

“Yep!” Yaku laughed, “Your abs are still as strong as when we first met!” 

“Yaku! You’re not supposed to say that aloud!” Mr. Thirsty only hummed in response. They sat there with only the sound of Yaku’s humming for several seconds. 

“Wait a minute!” Yaku’s humming came to a screeching halt. “Your abs are getting soft! Look!” The sound of Lev’s flustered gibberish flowed through Kuroo’s phone like a child’s first rap. 

“Wait Yaku, I didn’t shower today and it’s not as soft as you think!”

“Mmmm stinky but soft.” Kuroo’s hands hid his face. They’re both such sappy lovers. This is what Yaku meant with his whole anti-PDA facade. This stuff needed a room! Kuroo took his hands off his face long enough to lock eyes with Daishou. Turns out Daishou had four chins whenever someone got all romantic in front of him. 

“Lev, while you’re still conscious, truth or dare?” Daishou asked. Kuroo squinted at the evil person in front of him. What was he up to now? 

Lev’s sputtering came to a stop just long enough to squeak out one word. “Truth!” It was quite a surprise that Lev was still able to take questions, much less stay alive. 

“Is it true,” Daishou murmured, “that you can’t get Yaku’s face off your chest because you secretly like it?” Lev grew quiet, leaving a long, drawn-out silence behind. 

“... yeah…” Lev said, sounding like he was speaking in lowercase. Daishou tilted his head back in laughter. Why did Daishou have to be so hot while acting so evil? He was totally being a shitter, but at least he wasn’t an ugly shitter. 

“OH!” Yaku shouted, voice still muffled from Lev’s abs. “I have an idea. Daishou, truth or dare?” Daishou pursed his lips, pretending to think long and hard. Kuroo didn’t even have to look at him to know that he was going to take Yaku’s bait. He’d never back down in the face of tyranny, or in this case, a thirsty dare. Kuroo should have warned him, but who didn’t want to see Daishou get all flustered once in a while? 

“Give me a dare, Yaku. It can’t be worse than-” 

“LET KUROO SLAP YOUR ASS!” This was somehow worse than anything Kuroo ever expected, and he knew Yaku for years. 

“Yaku go drink some water, you need it,” Kuroo said, “and you won’t be able to tell if I actually do it, anyway.” 

“That’s what a small-brained person like you would say,” Yaku retorted. “You just have to slap it hard enough so we can hear it. I’ll know if you clap your hands.” At times like these, Kuroo wished he wasn’t friends with people who were smarter than him. He sunk into the couch, watching Daishou’s facial expression. There’s no way he would accept it. It’d be more lost pride than just refusing to do the dare! He’d lose, but it’d be better than letting Kuroo… letting Kuroo… 

Daishou’s tongue was out, only highlighting what was already running rampant in his eyes. 

He was totally going to do the dare. 

“Deal!” Daishou stood up in a matter of seconds, ass facing… well, you know. Kuroo turned away, trying to hide in the cracks of the couch. Why did Daishou have to be thirsty now, of all times? Yaku trapped him on purpose! 

Well… Kuroo flashed his eyes up for just a second. Daishou certainly wasn’t lacking down there… There was everything to be gained since Daishou already agreed. Kuroo let his foot hit the floor, pushing himself up through sheer thirstiness alone. As he wound his hand back, Kuroo began to reflect his wonderful life choices. The stars were aligning in this very moment. Everything that led up to this made sense. Kuroo was meant to stand and slap Daishou’s ass for Yaku to hear. 

See, now that he thought about it, that sounded horrible. 

Kuroo snapped his hand back to his side, instead, leaning forward. A small kiss planted itself on the back of Daishou’s neck. Kuroo rested his head on Daishou’s shoulder, speaking just loud enough for him to hear. 

“Sorry about this, baby.” 

Kuroo let the sound of the slap echo across the apartment for a little bit. And then- 

“HAHAHA BOOM!” Kuroo shouted. He shook his hand, watching it grow red. “THAT’S WHAT YOU GET FOR KICKING MY NUTS!” Kuroo’s phone speaker sounded like it was in the depths of hell. Noises of somebody hitting the table burst through, with laughter coming from two incredibly thirsty boyfriends. 

“Kuroo!” Daishou pouted. His hand floated gently where Kuroo’s hand was. He looked extremely bothered, but not in the way Kuroo expected. His lips were turned up in a warped kind of smile, something along the lines of hunger laced in between. He did not enjoy that. He did NOT- 

“Say, Kuroo,” Daishou said, pursing his lips, “truth or dare?” 

“Dare, why?” Kuroo was already squirming in place. 

“I dare you to kiss me loud enough for Yaku and Lev to hear.” The table-pounding and laughter grew even louder as Kuroo kicked Daishou’s legs. He’d need to teach Daishou who was boss, whether that meant through kissing, or possessive hugs, or… well, FUCK! Kuroo tossed his head back and screamed in defeat. 

“I give up! I lose! Y’all are too thirsty!” 


End file.
